I’ve always loved the quote, “Find out who you are and do it on purpose.” It sounds simple, doesn’t it? Like something you could write on a sticky note and keep on your desk as a daily reminder. But living it, that’s a whole different story.
For me, it’s been a long, winding process of unlearning expectations, rediscovering my voice, and learning how to move through life with calm acceptance rather than constant urgency.
I used to think that identity was something you arrived at once you had it all figured out, a stable job, a clear direction, and a certain sense of belonging. But what I’ve learned, especially over the last few years, is that discovering who you are isn’t about arriving anywhere. It’s about being honest enough to meet yourself where you are, again and again, without judgment.
The Phase of Becoming Who Everyone Expected Me to Be
Growing up as a first daughter in Nigeria, I learned early on that responsibility was part of my identity. I didn’t question it. I just wore it, like a second skin. I was the one who had to hold things together, who had to be sensible, focused, and dependable. It didn’t feel heavy at first, it felt like love expressed through care. But as I got older, I began to realize how much of myself I had wrapped around what other people needed me to be.
In school, I studied computer science because it made sense to my father. It was respectable, safe, and filled with opportunities. Later, I went on to pursue a Master’s in Cybersecurity Science. On paper, I was doing everything right. But somewhere in between the lines of research papers, group projects, and technical jargon, I started to wonder, was I living for curiosity or compliance?
I remember sitting one night in my small workspace, staring at a screen, troubleshooting a issues one of the staff had with their laptop. My mind drifted to something entirely different: the stories I wanted to tell, the communities I wanted to build, the quiet space I dreamed of creating for women like me, multipotentialite, introverted, and constantly navigating the in-between. It wasn’t a career pivot moment. It was a quiet realization that I had outgrown the version of myself that existed only to meet expectations.
When Purpose Felt Like Pressure
There was a time when “purpose” became another checklist item. I consumed endless self-development content, thinking that clarity was something I could earn if I tried hard enough. I set timelines: by this age, I’ll know my calling; by this age, I’ll be successful. But all that did was make me feel like I was running a race no one else could see.
It took burnout for me to slow down. Working nine-hour daily shifts as a marketing and communication manager while trying to build my creative projects at night was rewarding but not financially. I loved the work, but I didn’t love how it made me feel, drained, constantly behind, and disconnected from myself at the end of the project or day.
When I finally paused, it wasn’t because I had a plan. It was because I had no choice. My body, my emotions, and even my creativity demanded that I stop pretending I had it all together. In that stillness, I realized that maybe purpose isn’t something to chase. Maybe it’s something that reveals itself when you stop performing and start listening.
That was when I started asking myself uncomfortable questions: What would I still do if no one noticed? What makes me feel quietly alive? What do I want to give, not to prove I’m worthy, but because it feels true?
There was a time I didn’t just feel unsure of who I was, I also felt drained, like my inner spark had quietly dimmed. If you’ve ever been there too, you might find comfort in reading How to Get Your Spark Back.
The Quiet Work of Rediscovery
Rediscovering myself didn’t happen through grand decisions. It happened in small, ordinary ways, like deciding to rebuild my website one weekend, not because I had to, but because I missed creating. It showed up in journaling at 2 a.m., writing freely about things I had never said out loud. It came in saying no to things that looked good but didn’t feel aligned.
Over time, I noticed how much lighter I felt when I stopped trying to explain my choices to everyone. There’s freedom in accepting that not everyone will understand your path. You learn that you don’t need validation to move forward. You just need to trust that the version of you showing up today deserves to exist, even if she’s still figuring things out.
For me, finding out who I am became less about defining myself through achievements and more about creating space for curiosity. It’s why I started writing again, exploring my multiple interests without guilt, and leaning into community as a form of self-discovery. Every post, every conversation, every idea became a mirror that showed me who I was becoming.
The Version of Me That Exists Now
If I look back at all my life phases, the student, the marketer, the cybersecurity researcher, the community builder, they all carry traces of me. Different seasons, but one person learning to integrate them all. That’s what finding out who you are and doing it on purpose means to me now. It’s not about choosing one identity and staying there. It’s about showing up as your full self, even when the world prefers the simplified version.
There’s something powerful about saying, I can be many things and still be whole. I’ve learned that my curiosity isn’t a distraction; it’s a compass. My introversion isn’t a weakness; it’s where my reflection and creativity bloom. And my tendency to start over again and again isn’t failure. It’s proof that I’m still evolving.
Calm Acceptance
These days, I live with a kind of calm acceptance I didn’t have before. I don’t need every phase of my life to make perfect sense anymore. I just need it to feel honest. Some days, that honesty looks like excitement for what’s next. Other days, it’s acknowledging that I’m tired, uncertain, or still healing from old expectations.
What gives me peace is knowing that I don’t have to rush clarity. I just need to stay present long enough to notice what feels true. Because when you do that, purpose doesn’t hide, it unfolds.
A Gentle Reminder
If you are in that moment of confusion, uncertainty, or quiet searching, I hope you know this: you’re not behind. You’re not failing at figuring it out. You’re simply becoming.
Finding out who you are and doing it on purpose doesn’t mean you will always be confident, or that you’ll stop doubting yourself. It means you’ll keep showing up for yourself, even when the answers aren’t clear. You’ll keep listening to that small, persistent voice that says, this feels like me.
Drop Your Answer in The Comment Section
- When was the last time you felt completely aligned with what you were doing?
- If you stopped performing and started listening, what would you hear?
- What would it look like to live this week a little more on purpose?