You’re probably tired. Not just physically, but emotionally. You’re giving so much of yourself to work, family, friends, and responsibilities you didn’t exactly sign up for. You carry everyone’s weight with the grace of someone who’s learned how to manage expectations, but if you’re honest, you rarely, if ever, get to put your own down.
- We Were Never Taught How
- What Does It Even Mean to Be Your Own Best Friend?
- Why It’s Especially Important for First Daughters and Multipotentialites
- How to Start: Small Practices That Build Self-Friendship
- Unlearning the Hustle, Embracing the Human
- When You’re Your Own Best Friend, You Stop Settling
- A Love Letter to You, From Me
- In the Spirit of Novellisteer…
- Building Your Lifelong Pact
- Let Us Talk
This is for the first daughters who never really got to be daughters. For the introverts who’ve mastered the art of being everything for everyone. For the multipotentialites whose hearts beat in different directions all at once. For you, the beautiful, brilliant woman who’s been trying to outrun herself, please everyone, and still show up with a smile.
This is why you need to start being your own best friend.
We Were Never Taught How
Let’s be real: no one teaches us how to be kind to ourselves. In a world that demands perfection, hyper-productivity, and constant self-sacrifice, being your cheerleader can feel indulgent, even selfish. We’re told to be kind, accommodating, and humble. But when it comes to ourselves, we default to critique, comparison, and self-doubt.
I know this all too well, many of us are balancing identities that feel like opposites: Nigerian but creative, ambitious but expected to be humble, introverted but pressured to be sociable. We live between worlds. And in trying to belong everywhere, we often forget to belong to ourselves first.
Being your own best friend means learning to belong to yourself.
What Does It Even Mean to Be Your Own Best Friend?
We say it all the time: treat yourself the way you’d treat your best friend. But how?
Being your own best friend means becoming someone who listens, validates, supports, and protects you, without conditions. It means sitting with your pain, not rushing to fix it. It means holding your joy gently, celebrating without guilt. It means being patient with your growth, forgiving your mistakes, and protecting your boundaries.
Your best friend knows when you need rest, when you need hype, when you need silence. You can be that for yourself, too.
Why It’s Especially Important for First Daughters and Multipotentialites
If you’re a first daughter, you’ve likely been raised as a second mom, a third parent, a fourth emergency contact. You were praised for being reliable, mature, and responsible, long before you were praised for being creative, imaginative, or soft.
If you’re a multipotentialite, you’ve probably been asked when you’ll finally choose one path, stick to one thing, settle down. You’ve been told you’re scattered, inconsistent, unfocused, even though your curiosity is your superpower.
For people like us, self-compassion isn’t just a nice thing to have. It’s a necessary survival skill. It’s the foundation we need to build sustainable, joyful, authentic lives.
You can’t pour from an empty cup, but more importantly, you shouldn’t have to.
On The Blog: The New Normal: Balancing Productivity, Stress, and Growth
How to Start: Small Practices That Build Self-Friendship
No one becomes their own best friend overnight. It’s a practice, not a performance. Start small:
1. Talk to Yourself Like You Matter
Change the voice in your head. When you make a mistake, what do you say to yourself? Replace criticism with curiosity. Instead of “I’m so stupid,” try “That didn’t go how I hoped, what can I learn from it?”
2. Make Space for Your Emotions
You don’t always have to be okay. Permit yourself to feel everything: joy, sadness, anger, confusion. Your emotions are valid, all of them.
3. Celebrate Your Wins (Even the Tiny Ones)
Finished that email? Celebrate. Made your bed? Yes, queen. Sent the difficult message? You did that.
Recognition breeds encouragement. The more you affirm yourself, the more grounded you feel in your own capacity.
4. Set Boundaries That Protect You
Boundaries are an act of self-love. Say no when you need to. Step back when you’re stretched too thin. Give yourself the gift of saying, “I matter enough to pause.”
5. Create Rituals That Nourish You
Whether it’s journaling, taking a walk, dancing to your favourite song, or sipping tea while watching the sunset, find moments that refill your soul.
Friendship is built on consistency. Show up for yourself regularly.
Unlearning the Hustle, Embracing the Human
Part of being your own best friend is rejecting the idea that your worth is tied to your productivity.
You’re not a machine. You’re a masterpiece in motion. And like any masterpiece, you need time, attention, and care.
I always believe that healing happens in soft spaces. That growth doesn’t always look like milestones, sometimes it looks like choosing to rest instead of pushing through. Sometimes it looks like crying on a Tuesday afternoon because everything feels heavy. And sometimes it looks like laughing at your jokes while journaling.
Softness is strength. Rest is resistance.
When You’re Your Own Best Friend, You Stop Settling
You begin to see your patterns more clearly, not just your traumas, but your triumphs.
You no longer seek validation from people who benefit from your self-doubt. You stop apologising for your brilliance.
Being your own best friend gives you the courage to:
- Walk away from spaces that dim your light.
- Ask for what you need without shrinking.
- Choose rest over people-pleasing.
- Create art, write words, build dreams, even if they scare you.
You start living like someone who is deeply loved. Because you are. By you.
A Love Letter to You, From Me
Let this be your reminder:
You are not too much. You are not behind. You are not a burden. You are a whole universe learning how to love yourself. I’ve got your back. When you feel tired, I’ll remind you to rest. When you feel lost, I’ll help you remember your values. When you doubt yourself, I’ll celebrate your wins, big and small. I promise to protect your time, speak kindly, and hold you with compassion.
Until you believe it for yourself, I’ll believe it for you. And when you're ready, I hope you’ll speak to yourself this way too.
You are never too much. You are not falling behind. You are not a burden. You are a whole universe learning how to love herself.
Be your own best friend. You deserve your gentleness. You deserve your laughter. You deserve to take up space, not just for others, but for yourself.
In the Spirit of Novellisteer…
The art of being novel means honouring what makes you YOU. It means finding power in your contradictions, your complexity, your quiet.
Being your own best friend is part of that journey.
So here’s your gentle nudge: Start showing up for yourself the way you’ve been showing up for everyone else. Let your inner world be a soft landing, not a battleground. Build a home inside yourself that’s filled with kindness.
And when you forget, because you will come back here. Reread this. Let these words hug you.
Because you deserve love. From the inside out. Always.
Building Your Lifelong Pact
You’ve read the blog post, practised exercises, and maybe shed a tear or two. But the real work begins now. Here’s how to ensure this isn’t a one-off:
- Schedule a Monthly Check-In: Block 20 minutes in your calendar at month’s end for a Self-Friendship Review. Reflect on your pact, update it if needed.
- Revisit This Blog Post: Bookmark it, print it, or save it on your phone. When you forget how to be gentle, come back here.
Let Us Talk
- What was your biggest takeaway from the self-compassion practices shared?
- How might setting a new boundary change your daily routine?
- In your own Love Letter “Pact”, what’s one promise you’ll make to yourself, and what’s your plan for keeping that promise in your monthly check-ins?