When most people hear the word self-care, their mind goes to bubble baths, expensive spa days, yoga retreats, or maybe a night out with friends sipping cocktails and dancing until sunrise. And while all of those can be fun and sometimes even healing, here’s the truth:
Self-care is much more than what looks good on Instagram, I know this, cause there was a season in my life where “self-care” meant escaping.
After a long week of balancing expectations, a demanding job, and my endless curiosity pulling me in ten different directions, I would curl up on my bed with a drama series queued up and a pack of fox cookies by my side. To anyone else, it probably looked cosy and intentional. And truthfully, in that moment, it was soothing. The glow of the screen distracted me, the tea felt warm in my hands, and for a little while, I could forget about the world asking me to be everything for everyone.
- Why We Need to Rethink Self-Care
- Why We Have Reduced Self-Care to Spa Days and Snacks
- The Difference Between Self-Soothing and Self-Care
- The 5 Layers of Real Self-Care (Beyond Spa Days)
- Everyday Self-Care Ideas (That Don’t Require a Spa or Night Out)
- How to Build a Sustainable Self-Care Routine
- Final Thoughts
- Drop your thoughts in the comments below
But here’s the part I had to admit to myself later: when the episode ended and I shut my laptop or phone, the heaviness was still there. The exhaustion hadn’t shifted. The overwhelm hadn’t left. What I was calling “self-care” was pressing pause on the chaos, not tending to myself.
That’s when I realised something important: real self-care is less about escape, and more about alignment.
It’s not about quick fixes that look good from the outside. It’s about the quiet, consistent ways we maintain ourselves, physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and spiritually, so we don’t burn out from carrying so much for so long.
For multipotentialite women and first daughters especially, self-care can’t just be bubble baths or brunch dates. It has to be the grounding practices that help us reconnect with ourselves, even when the world is pulling us in every direction.
Think of it like stocking a biscuit tin. If you only fill it once in a while, by the time you go back, it’s empty, and you’re left frustrated. But if you consistently refill it, you always have something to reach for when you need it most. That’s what sustainable self-care looks like.
Why We Need to Rethink Self-Care
Google the word self-care, and you’ll find millions of articles, products, and services trying to sell you relaxation. Candles, sheet masks, luxury getaways, skincare routines, or trendy wellness challenges. But here’s the problem:
- What happens when the spa day ends and you’re back home facing the same stressors?
- What happens when a night out leaves you more drained than energised?
- What happens when retail therapy empties your wallet but not the emptiness you feel?
For many of us, especially those of us carrying family expectations on one shoulder and personal ambitions on the other, self-care has to mean something deeper.
Self-care is not what you do once in a while to recover from burnout.
It’s how you live so you don’t burn out in the first place.
Why We Have Reduced Self-Care to Spa Days and Snacks
Somewhere along the line, “self-care” became another marketing phrase. Instagram aesthetics turned it into face masks, candles, and “treat yourself” slogans. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad about spa days, manicures, or a night out with friends. They are refreshing. But here’s the problem:
- They are occasional, not daily.
- They often cost money and time we don’t always have.
- They don’t address the root causes of stress, burnout, or disconnection.
Self-care was never meant to be just an escape. It was meant to be maintenance, like brushing your teeth, charging your phone, or yes, restocking your biscuit tin. It’s what keeps you from running on empty.
The Difference Between Self-Soothing and Self-Care
Let’s pause here because this is where many of us (me included) get it wrong.
- Self-care is support for the long run: journaling to process emotions, setting boundaries at work, cooking a meal that nourishes your body, or asking for help when you need it.
Both are important. Sometimes you do need the cookie. But if your self-care stops at self-soothing, you’ll keep finding yourself empty.
The 5 Layers of Real Self-Care (Beyond Spa Days)
To keep it simple, I like to think of self-care in five layers, like different shelves in your snack cupboard. Each one matters, and together, they create balance.
1. Emotional Self-Care: Naming What You Feel
Imagine unwrapping a new snack bar without looking at the label. You don’t even know what’s inside; you just eat it. That’s how many of us treat our emotions: we experience anger, sadness, or stress without naming it.
Emotional self-care means:
- Journaling when you feel heavy instead of swallowing it.
- Talking to a trusted friend (or therapist) instead of bottling it up.
- Allowing yourself to cry without guilt.
Personal Note: As a first daughter, you might have been raised to “be strong” for everyone else. But self-care means admitting, “Today, I’m not okay.” Naming your feelings is like reading the wrapper; you understand what you’re consuming instead of being consumed by it.
2. Physical Self-Care: Rest, Movement, Nourishment
You can’t live on biscuits alone (though I’ve tried!). In the same way, your body can’t thrive on occasional spa days; it needs daily maintenance.
Physical self-care includes:
- Prioritising sleep (not just crashing at 4 a.m.).
- Moving your body in ways that feel good, walking, stretching, and dancing.
- Drinking water and eating meals that fuel you, not just fill you.
Personal Note: Physical self-care doesn’t have to look like gym memberships or green smoothies. It can be as simple as swapping one soda for water or taking a walk after dinner instead of scrolling.
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3. Mental Self-Care: Guarding Your Headspace
Have you ever noticed how biscuits stored in a damp place lose their crunch? That’s your brain on constant overwhelm. If you don’t guard your headspace, everything feels soggy and heavy.
Mental self-care looks like:
- Reading books that stimulate you.
- Learning something new that excites you (languages, crafts, coding, etc.).
- Saying no to energy-draining commitments.
Personal Note: Multipotentialites often overfill their mental shelves with new projects. Real self-care is choosing which ideas deserve space right now and which can wait.
4. Spiritual Self-Care: Anchoring to Something Bigger
Whether it’s prayer, meditation, or simply sitting quietly with your thoughts, spiritual self-care is about grounding. It’s the reset button when everything else feels scattered.
Ask yourself:
- What practices make me feel most connected to myself (or God, or the universe)?
- How can I weave them into my daily rhythm, even if it’s just five minutes?
Personal Note: Spiritual self-care doesn’t have to be lofty. Sometimes it’s sipping tea while reflecting, other times it’s playing your favourite worship song before bed.
5. Social Self-Care: Building Healthy Connections
A single Snickers bar can be satisfying, but a shared pack of biscuits brings joy. We’re wired for connection, even introverts.
Social self-care is:
- Spending time with people who uplift you.
- Setting boundaries with people who drain you.
- Asking for help instead of carrying everything alone.
Personal Note: As first daughters, we often feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness. Social self-care is remembering that your relationships should nourish you, too, not just the other way around.
Everyday Self-Care Ideas (That Don’t Require a Spa or Night Out)
Here are small, practical things you can weave into your daily rhythm:
- Keep a “feel-good” playlist for stressful days.
- Light a candle while you journal.
- Take a walk and notice 3 things you’ve never seen before.
- Say “no” without over-explaining.
- Replace doom-scrolling with reading 5 pages of a book.
- Put your phone on airplane mode after 8 p.m.
How to Build a Sustainable Self-Care Routine
Here’s the part most people miss: self-care is not one-size-fits-all.
Instead of copying someone else’s checklist, try this:
- Audit: Write down how you currently “self-care” (be honest: snacks, Netflix, etc.).
- Ask: What’s missing? Is it rest? Connection? Reflection?
- Adjust: Pick one small habit from each of the 5 layers.
- Anchor: Tie your habits to something you already do. (Ex: Stretch after brushing teeth, journal after morning tea.)
- Assess: Every month, check in: what’s helping? What feels forced?
Think of it like topping up your biscuit tin. You don’t wait until it’s empty; you refill it along the way.
Final Thoughts
Spa days, night outs, Fox’s cookies, or a Snickers bar can all be part of self-care, but they’re not the whole picture. Real self-care is layered, intentional, and sustainable. It’s the behind-the-scenes rituals that keep us from burning out in silence.
As multipotentialite women and first daughters, we often carry more than most people realise. But that doesn’t mean we have to carry it without care. Let’s move beyond the surface, refill our tins consistently, and give ourselves the kind of self-care that lasts longer than the wrapper of a chocolate bar.
Because you deserve more than momentary sweetness. You deserve wholeness.
Drop your thoughts in the comments below
- When you think of self-care beyond spa days and nights out, what’s the first activity or ritual that comes to mind for you?
- Do you find it easier to care for your physical needs or your emotional/mental needs? Why?
- If you could design your perfect self-care day (no spa, no night out), what would it look like?