Growing up, I, like many others, was bombarded with beauty standards that dictated what was considered beautiful and what was not. From the pages of glossy magazines to the unfiltered opinions of family and friends, the message was clear: beauty had a blueprint, and if you didn’t fit into it, you were somehow less worthy.
For years, I internalized this. I scrutinized my reflection, picking apart every flaw, convinced that I was ugly. The hyperpigmentation on my face and neck felt like an unforgivable curse. My slim frame, which was simply how my body was built, became a target for unsolicited comments, “You should eat more,” “Are you starving yourself to fit into society’s beauty standard?” Even my parents sometimes echoed the same concern, assuming that my refusal to overeat was driven by vanity rather than my natural appetite.
Then there were the words that cut the deepest. In university, some friends casually called me ugly, their laughter ringing in my ears long after the conversation ended. It wasn’t a joke to me. It was a confirmation of every insecurity I had already nurtured.
The Damage of Beauty Standards
Society teaches us that beauty is a currency, and if you don’t possess the right features, you will be valued less. Fair skin, flawless texture, curves in the right places but not too much, slim but not too skinny, thick but not too fat—the list is endless and ever-changing.
Growing up, I saw how these standards made people alter themselves. Some bleached their skin, some starved themselves, some over-exercised, and some spent fortunes on products that promised transformation. It took me a long time to realize that beauty was not supposed to be a rigid mold. It was supposed to be diverse, ever-expanding, and deeply personal.
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Breaking Out: My Journey to Self-Acceptance
The road to unlearning these toxic beliefs wasn’t easy. There was no overnight realization, no magical moment where I suddenly felt beautiful. Instead, it was a slow, painful process of questioning and deconstructing everything I had been told.
- Challenging My Internal Narratives I started paying attention to how I spoke to myself. If I wouldn’t say something to a friend, why was I saying it to myself? I stopped calling myself ugly. I stopped comparing my skin, my body, and my features to others. Instead, I started appreciating what made me unique.
- Reclaiming My Skin Hyperpigmentation was a big source of my insecurity. For a long time, I thought flawless skin was the key to being beautiful. But skin is skin—it has texture, marks, and changes over time. I invested in skincare not to fit into a standard but to take care of myself in a way that felt good to me. The goal became healthy skin, not “perfect” skin.
- Redefining Beauty for Myself I stopped looking at beauty through the lens of validation from others. I started asking myself: What do I find beautiful? What makes me feel good in my skin? I surrounded myself with diverse beauty—following people online who looked like me, who celebrated unconventional beauty, and who reminded me that beauty is not a single story.
The Emotional Toll of Feeling “Ugly”
For a long time, I let these perceptions weigh me down. I would avoid taking pictures, or if I did, I would analyze every inch of my face, finding reasons to hate it. I would shrink into the background, hoping no one would notice me. It affected how I carried myself, how I spoke, and even how I built relationships. When you don’t see yourself as worthy, it becomes difficult to demand the respect and love you deserve.
But the truth is, beauty is not just about appearance. Confidence, kindness, intelligence, and authenticity are all part of what makes a person beautiful. I had to learn that beauty wasn’t something I needed permission to claim—it was something I had the right to define for myself.
Building a Healthier Relationship with Beauty
Unlearning ugliness isn’t just about rejecting societal standards; it’s about forming a new, healthier relationship with beauty. Here are some things that helped me along the way:
- Affirmations: Every morning, I told myself something positive about my appearance and my worth. At first, it felt awkward, but over time, it rewired the way I saw myself.
- Wearing What Makes Me Feel Good: Instead of dressing to hide my insecurities, I started wearing things that made me feel powerful and comfortable in my own skin.
- Practicing Self-Compassion: On days when I felt ugly, I reminded myself that it was okay to feel that way sometimes, but it didn’t define me.
The Power of Owning Your Beauty
I won’t pretend I never have insecure days. There are still moments when I see a picture of myself and think, “Is this how I really look?” But those moments no longer define me.
I have learned that beauty is not something for which I need permission to claim. It is not something that should be dictated by society, by friends, or even by family. It is mine to define.
If you have ever felt ugly, if you have ever doubted your beauty because of society’s impossible standards, I want you to know this: You are not alone. Unlearning these beliefs takes time, but it is possible. And when you finally see yourself through your own eyes, rather than the lens of society, you will realize that you were never ugly. You were simply taught to believe you were.
And now, it’s time to unlearn.
Let Chat
- Have you ever felt pressured by societal beauty standards? How did it affect your self-perception
- What advice would you give to someone struggling with their self-image right now?